Merge Microsoft accounts and make old email address an alias

I have a older Microsoft account and a newer one.  I would like to merge the two, but there are items associated with both accounts that I would like preserved including transactions with Microsoft, MSDN, etc.  What I would like is to be able to see what things are associated with both accounts, transfer the desired ones from the old account to the new one, and delete the old account making the email address an alias.

I know the canned response is "we do not offer that feature", but there's no way it couldn't be handled by someone at MS.  Where do I need to go to find this person?